I used to be somebody else

I feel like I am going through a state of change.

And I just don't know what to do about it.

I suppose for the optimist change is good.

It's a new beginning.

And for the pessimist change is bad.

It's a new chance to screw up.

I don't know if I'm pessimistic or optimistic about this.

I'm losing so much.

But I can't wait to see what I will gain.

I feel like I am losing all my friends.
But at the same time I am gaining so many.
I can't decide on anything.

Where's that girl who used to think everything was fine?
Everything was nothing?
Everything was problem free?
Where's that girl who used to not care?
Not care to fail?
Not care to take a leap of faith?
I have let that girl fall through the cracks.

Now I'm the girl where nothing is fine.
Nothing is everything.
Everything has a problem.
Now I'm the girl who won't let herself fail.
Won't take the leap of faith.
Won't be confident in herself.

I feel so lifeless.
It's like I'm in a closed jar.
How am I supposed to breath with no air?

I just want simple answers.
Tell me when I'm going to live again.
Tell me when this fear will end.
Tell me when I'm going to feel inside.
Tell me when I'm going to feel alive.

Maybe I feel like this because I've been so betrayed.
I've been so hurt.
So let down.
So crushed.
So disappointed.
So unsatisfied.

I just want a solution.
Give me one?

-happi beebe