A Christian stands on the corner of a busy New York street and yells to the crowd, "You're all going to Hell because you're homosexual." "You're all going to Hell because you stole." "You're all going to Hell because you don't believe in MY God." An Atheist approaches the Christian and says, "Thank you. You have converted more people to Atheism in ten minutes than I have been able to in ten years." The Atheist smiles and walks away.

What's wrong with this picture? Hello, Christian! Those things may be true, but you're going about it the wrong way. Who are you to tell anyone anything? They don't know you. They have no reason to believe you. First, you must establish a friendship and it has to be a good, sincere friendship.

Leadership is the same way. For example, a school gets a new principal. One, he is automatically hated because he's new. Two, he thinks EVERYTHING needs to change. The students might like some of the change if they were not forced into it. You can't take a well-functioning community, tell them they're screwed up, and expect them to like you so that you can make the change.

If you haven't figured out yet, this is one thing I'm now going through. It's too much stress. I'm too weak to even finish the rant or fight for my rights....

Maybe I don't want to be helped.
Maybe I just want to be loved.
I just don't want to be alone.

The girl on the inside

1. I am not who I appear to be at all.
2. I'm not that sweet little innocent girl that everyone thinks I am. I never have been.
3. I'm almost always nervous.
4. I hate being alone. I always want someone, but never have anyone.
5. I'm a total sucker for hugs.
6. I have a secret passion to sing. I'm pretty good too.
7. I hate making decisions.
8. I'm an over-thinker.
9. I want someone to want to help me. I can't ask for help anymore. It hurts too much.
10. You'll never meet a broken girl with a bigger smile.
11. I've mastered this fake smile of mine. I'm fooling all of you.
12. My heart hurts 100% of the time.
13. I long for nothing more than to be normal and happy again.
14. I love the winter months because it's easier to be depressed then.
15. Oddly, winter is when I'm at my happiest. That's never much.
16. I'm overwhelmed with life.
17. I'm so simple, yet too complicated.
18. I just want to be loved.
19. I'm too forgiving.
20. I would never choose this life for anyone.
21. My Savior feels distant.
22. I miss my real friends.
23. I feel boring and annoying a lot of the time.
24. I struggle with self-confidence.
25. I'm beyond broken.
26. I want to talk, but I don't want to do all the talking.
27. I'm not who I want to be.
28. I want to be a part of something bigger, something epic.

Now, you know. This is me. It's not who you want or who you expected.

"So tell me now if this ain’t love then how do we get out? ‘Cause I don’t know. That’s when she said 'I don’t hate you, boy. I just want to save you while there’s still something left to save.' That’s when I told her 'I love you, girl, but I’m not the answer for the questions that you still have.'"

"I want to run away. I want to ditch my life. 'Cause all of my mistakes keep me awake at night. And after all of my alibis desert me, I just want to get by. I don't want nothing to hurt me. I had no idea where my head was at, but if my heart says I'm sorry, can we leave it at that? Because I just want for all of this to end. I so hate consequences and running from you is what my best defense is." -Relient K

Quite honestly, this is how I feel. I feel like giving up. There's nothing anyone can do for me. 
I'm broken and life is lousy.
I just don't know what to do.
That's all I'll say for now...

I have hidden pain. I hide my pain because I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about it. Yes, I know you love me and would always listen, but it's not the same. I know I can tell you anything and I usually do, but you never seem to be able to help. Sometimes all I want is to be told what you think and what you would do. I don't want to have to think about it anymore. Isn't hiding my burden enough? What more do I have to do? I want you to be concerned for me first. Ask me what's wrong. I want to talk, but I don't want to ask anyone for help. I want someone to willingly come to me. My reason for that is not pride, but every time I ask for help, I get rejected. It hurts. I'm sick of it. Please, please. Help me.

Everyday, I wake up and go through the routine. "Smile when a normal person would smile. Blend in. Act as if nothing is wrong. You're okay." I tell myself this everyday. How I really feel, or even my real personality is never revealed. No one understands. No one cares to. Most people would probably blame me, but it's not my fault.

I'm quite overwhelmed with my emotions and just all that's going on around me. I'm a thinker, so I'm always aware of my feelings and opinions. One day, I hope that some good will come of it. As for now, all I know is stress, frustration, and bitterness.

I'm misunderstood and I want someone to reach out. And not just reach out, but reach out consistently. I'm unmanageable. I'm confused and I want your affection.

I'm weak and my habitat only contributes to the weakness. I hope something worth while comes from living here, but I just don't see it.

I'm almost emotionless. I'm torn. I'm confused. I don't know what to do. I've been avoiding trying to seek the answer. I don't want to run anymore. 

I can almost feel my end approaching, but I'm fighting it. With all I have, I'm fighting it. Now matter how much I want to, something inside of me won't let me give up. 

I know in my heart that God must be teaching me something through all the pain I am experiencing, but I don't understand. Faith is hard for me sometimes. I just want to know. Tell me what to do to further Your kingdom. I also know it doesn't work that way. I must be patient and wait. But, God, please. Please. I'm crying out to You with all that I am. Guide me. Put a desire in my heart to know You more and more each day. I don't want to be apathetic anymore. I want to be Yours. Give me more strength and reason to continue. Send someone? 

God, this is my prayer.

Give me hope and love. I need it. I need You. You are mighty and powerful. I know You can do anything. I want to be molded by You. Make me your clay, dear Potter. Make me obey. Mold me. I want to be who You want me to be. I want it to become obvious that I'm living my life for You. Clean me. Make me whole again. Make me wholly Yours.

Love,

Your daughter

Fire and Flames

To be honest, life is going to suck sometimes, but that is no reason to quit. Hope is real and I have it. Even to me, the hope seems distant at times, but it's always closer than it seems. Jesus Christ is right here with me. Always. My hope and my peace carry me every step of the way. At times when I feel alone, it's because I see myself as the peace and hope instead of my Savior. His love for me is everlasting. Even when I fall, he will pick me up. He is the gracious King. His beauty is beyond imaginable.

I will go through fire and flames, but I will not go in alone.

Love is here.
Love is now.
It satisfies.

He is loved.

I met a kid this weekend at a conference I went to. He has been trying to commit suicide for five years. I immediately began crying and praying. My heart breaks for depressed and suicidal people. I absolutely love them. No matter what. Anyway, my second thought was: "People have known about this for most of that five years. Why has no one done anything, but pray?" Yes, praying is great. But, praying without action is stupid in this situation. Let me explain how I met him. At the conference, people could go on stage and share their burdens so we could pray with them. He went up there and shared what he has been going through. I've been praying for him since I met him. He is such an awesome person. I've also been praying for those who interact with him everyday. I thought of Renee Yohe's story and how after five days of constant love, she began to change. Only five days! For this guy, it's been five years and no change! Something is wrong. I wish I could hang out with him or go to school with him or something. Now, you have to realize that I only met him. He did not meet me. So, I'm not sure what else factors in to his feelings and emotions, but still.

Basically, I would ask you to pray for him and pray for your friends that are like that. Actually, pray for all of your friends. All the time. That would be so great.
If there is any way I could help you with situations like this or anything at all, come to me. Please, please. You are not alone. I WANT to help.

Love,
Morgan

Hate

Hate. That's all I've seen today. Hate and fighting.

I'm sick of it.

Come on people.

Love and peace is something everyone wants.

If you want it, why do you run from it?

I don't understand.

Just love me.

I Would Die For You

I'm reading a book which has stopped me from writing my own book. I've decided to quit. Sorta. I am going to finish my book, just on my terms. Anyways, I'm reading I Would Die For You by Brent Higgins. I highly recommend it. I'm like sixty pages in and I've already cried. I'm just so in love with the story. It's not fiction either! I'll probably write about the plot tomorrow, so be looking for that. But, I have never been so inspired to live my life for the One who gave it all. Seriously, read this book. Mkay. I have things to do... Hopefully, I'll finish the book in the next two days. We'll see. Later!

"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."

To Write Love On Her Arms is not simply for one person or one group of people. It's for everyone- the broken, the hopeful, the suicidal, and the loving. It doesn't matter who you are or where you're from, To Write Love On Her Arms is a community for all. It started with the story of one girl and has now expanded so much. Now, it is a place for where the broken get comfort. The depressed and suicidal get treatment. The hopeful and loving get to be a part.
But, it's even more than just a place to get help. It's a place of an incredible community. It's a place where we learn to love in all sorts of ways and we learn to replace secrets and silence with hope and healing. We learn that no matter what, we are loved beyond what we could ever know and our story is not over. It's just the beginning.
To Write Love On Her Arms has meant so much to me in the past year. They've taught me that hope is real and love is answer. It's that simple.

"Love is something better. I have been challenged and changed, reminded that love is that simple answer to so many of our hardest questions. Don Miller says, 'We're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding.' "

"We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love."

Love is the Movement.

Go away

You don't define me. Quit telling me who I am. I can only handle so much of your negative comments about me. I would almost rather you not be a part of my life than this. Just leave me alone. Let me be my own person and make my own mistakes.

I'm so done with all of this. Someone help me.

Jamie Talks Woodie Awards from To Write Love on Her Arms. on Vimeo.